If it's too loud, you're too old.

The neighbors below me have knocking issues, but at least those are during the day. I can't really fault the neighbors next to me for getting up and showering for their day(night) around the time I'm going to bed, but there's something not quite right about the people behind me and their nighttime parties.

It's almost 1 a.m. and they got started maybe half an hour ago. I should have been in bed already, but there was epic shit happening on the internet and I got distracted.

I've tried to wait it out before, but about 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning I usually give up. They have music blasting, people walking around outside who usually end up yelling at each other, and all I can think is, at the other university housing place, Public Safety would have shut them down by now. There are quiet hours, and there are quiet hours in the dorms, too.

*looks up at the title of this post*

Yeah, yeah, I'm too old, what of it? This is family housing, which means that there are adult college students here, at least several of which have kids in second grade and younger. Do they sleep? Do they study? Are there quiet hours here, or am I saving $200/semester to stay up two hours later at night? Admittedly, there's a lot less house to clean when you're in an apartment this small, so it's not all bad.

ZZZzzz... *snorts self awake and looks bleary-eyed around the page*

My bedroom is closer to the noise... I'm putting it off... I'm thinking about napping again. Naps are very nice. I have things to do, though. I need to get my portfolio online so I can get a job, since pursuing a Masters in Marketing isn't working out. Not that I'm lazy or I'm not smart enough, but Marketing isn't my thing. I thought I could force it since my school doesn't offer the degree I want (in fact, no school in the state does), but no. Cannot take my art degree and add math. Accounting has pwned me twice now.

I was going to write about awkward one-armed hugs and the possibility that a friend outed my online persona to my family, but I think I'll go attempt sleep instead. I'll turn on my waves-noise-thing-app especially loud and retire to my imaginary beach house. Maybe my friends are still having a bonfire celebration on my private beach, and I retired with a certain musician, worn out from the festivities.

I got the idea from my uncle, and yes, I know I'm rambling when I should have just stopped. He's one of those lucky few who falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow, because "I'm in my hot tub." The app that makes the waves-noises is better than a little hot tub. I have the Pacific Ocean, baby. I've had trouble falling asleep since I was a kid, and since I started the white noise and hanging out by the beach every night, I've been out in less than half an hour. BOO. YAH.

Goodnight.

Dear Downstairs Neighbors,

When someone leaves your apartment, intending to be back soon, please anticipate the fact that they will indeed be back soon. Do not go take a massive dump or whatever it is that makes it impossible for you to answer their summons. Do not ignore them or sit on the couch debating whether they'll give up and wander off or flatten themselves and slip under the door, thereby saving you the effort of motion. I never hear you yelling, Just a minute! I'm coming! or Go away! I'm taking a massive dump! though I can certainly hear you say hello when the door eventually does open, which seems to imply that you just aren't coming.

This happens several times per day, and sometimes at night. It is disturbing, and though I will admit that my stress level is already at an unhealthy high, I anticipate that most people would find the sudden pounding and yelling to be let in at least marginally unpleasant. If you have hearing problems, please locate a hearing aid or provide your house-mates (and perhaps your child) with a key. You may check out additional keys for the semester at the Student Housing Office.

Thank you for your consideration. God Bless,

Your Quiet Upstairs Neighbor.

Dear Guests/House-Mates of Downstairs Neighbors,

You have an impressive sense of rhythm. The funky beat of palm (or fist) against door has been enough to make me dance in my seat a couple times. In fact, now and then I think about trying to learn it so I can duplicate it. However, I would like to make one small request. Please hear me out, and know that I respect you as an amateur musician.

Although the beat is, as previously stated, funky and impressive, it loses its impact after five straight minutes, and with the knowledge that you are not practicing for anything. I have discovered this is simply your way of knocking on the door loudly and for an annoying amount of time to alert whoever is inside to your presence, and to the fact that you would also like to be inside.

If it isn't too much trouble, would you pass this information on to your friend who yells instead of knocking? That would be greatly appreciated.

With much hope for an easier entry,

Someone who never forgets a key when someone's actually inside.