Alone in Nowhere

I am lonely. The group of friends I had in college has narrowed down to two, neither of whom lives in this part of the country. Somehow, socializing with family doesn't do it for me. I can spend hours talking to them, and I'm only more tense at the end because frankly, my family doesn't like or understand me.

This isn't the kind of they don't understand me that I spouted when I was in high school. I suffer from clinical depression, and they can't wrap their minds around the concept of not just "cheering up." We have different interests. I'd rather stay inside where I'm physically comfortable than sit by a lake. I enjoy exploring the Internet. I enjoy researching something to death in order to write a one-page short story that I'll never show anyone. I tend toward solitude, and my family is made up of highly social people. Overwhelmingly social people. Opinionated people.

Not that I'm not opinionated. The problem, however, is that they have difficulty accepting other viewpoints as valid, and when someone explains motivation for a different viewpoint, they tend to zone out and start thinking up their next argument instead of listening.

So I'm ruling out calling my father to chat about my day-to-day life. Just saying.

That leaves me with two friends, with whom I can only communicate online. I have no phone. I cannot afford a phone. I believe I have three dollars to my name right now, and every two weeks I get between thirty and forty dollars of child support, so driving to the nearest city (an hour and a half) to find an open social group other than the Eastern Star Lodge isn't feasible. To be fair, I have been to the lodge before. I was just bored and uncomfortable being stared at by the other members, all of whom are at least forty years older than me.

I've mentioned this before, but my friends have lives. So what do I do? This is a legitimate, honest question. I've set emotion aside for now to deal with this logically, mostly because I'm wiped out from entertaining my grandmother for five hours. She's lovely to talk to now and then, but it's difficult making conversation when I can't talk about any of my interests.

Sample of Interests (moi)
computers
internet and internet trends
contemporary art
typography
fiction writing
internet research: most recently, BDSM and D/s relationships, and rubber ducks. Totally unrelated, I swear.
abnormal psychology

Everyone's got some oddball combination of things they enjoy discussing, and that's not a finite list, but perhaps you can see the potential for conflict when I'm living in a small town near another small town known for its lake and fishing.

So now I've bored you to death. Pumpernickel. Quartz. Bonobo chimpanzee. That ought to spice things up.

This one time at the cheese factory, a chunk of fat-free cheese fell on the floor, thereby making it inedible. Since it smells like rubber in large volumes, I used my box knife to carve it roughly into the shape of a ball, then dropped it on the floor. Nothing as awesome as a SuperBall, but the fact that it bounced well enough to entertain me for a while is worth noting. I don't eat fat-free cheese, by the way.

Facebook's new groups are not my friends.

Anyone who's found themselves a member of a group they want nothing to do with gets where I'm coming from. That's right, if you missed the memo, any of your friends can add you to any group they're in, as easily as tagging you in a photo. And if you happen to have a few hundred friends because someone talked you into playing an app that you can not win at without at least 70 bazillion clan/order/neighbor/herd members, it could end in hilarity. FB's own founder was a member of a pedophile group for a while because someone added him. Google it.

But I'm not here to repeat what everyone else has written on their blogs. (Please ignore the fact that I just did. Thank you!) I'm here to entertain myself by writing. Wait. I mean, I'm here to talk about how weird it can be leaving a group you were added to. And if I entertain myself, even better.

I was added to "destroy those who threaten ur kids and pray on single moms" today. Talk about awkward. I have lots of respect for single moms. Tons, in fact. The subject is very close to me, and you guys who know me personally can feel free to have a smirk right now. Because you also know how much bad grammar, chatspeak, and misspelling kill me. I was an English major for a while because I knew I'd be good at it. It's ingrained in the very fiber of my being.

Thus began the mental war. Do I stay in the group because it's about protecting single moms and their kids? Do I leave because it uses the questionable word ur and the word pray instead of prey? If I leave the group, what will happen? Will it show up as a post in the group?

Lyric Frey has left the group. Lyric does not support this cause. In fact, Lyric wants to threaten ur kids and be very, very mean to ur single moms. Lyric is not in ur group supportin' ur cause.

No, actually, it didn't post that. It just took my name out of the "so-and-so invited these two people and 43 more" post. So I'm safe. Except I just totally posted it all here.

I'm so sorry I left your group over something as trivial as spelling and grammar! Still be my friend! We have a bunch in common and play some app together, which is why I added you! OMG I FEEL LIKE SUCH A TOOL!

I went through this the other day when a friend tagged me in some year-old Facebook photos. They weren't great pictures, but they weren't horrible. Still, they're a year old and I knew they existed. I chose not to tag myself because my name was written in the description. I spent two Facebook-days glancing at the announcement that I'd been tagged and debating un-tagging myself to get it out of my way. Then I left it. I figured it had been there two days, so whatever.

I'll try to write something that's actually interesting next time. Facebook so doesn't count as a worthy topic, no matter how much time I won't confess to spending on it every day clicking things and staring at the magic glowing computer screen. Soooo hypnotic...

P.S. I see the glaring grammar mistakes I've made, but fixing them ruins the casual tone of the post. I am such a hypocrite! Forgive meeeee!