Hunting for my Supper (True Story)

I stalked my prey through the wilds of the kitchen, with only my spear and net to protect me. When I caught scent of her, I crouched, peering through the meagre light until, yes, a cache of eggs lay nestled in the brush. My net took care of those, and soon enough I had found her.

Ah, she was a beaut, all pale golden, and she was ready for me. Oh yes.

I threw my spear too soon and thought I'd lost her! She gave a merry chase, but in the end, she succumbed. At last I slid the omelette onto my plate, and realized that I really need to write something if that's how I entertain myself over the stove.

Please say I'm not the only adult person who occasionally does this.

Basket Hats and Groceries

You know what's funny? My daughter putting a holiday basket upside-down on her head and modeling it as a hat to cheer me up, without even knowing what was wrong.

You know what's not quite as funny? Leaving $100 worth of food and groceries at the store because your card won't work. I spent an hour and a half picking through things to find the best deals on what I needed, and added on about thirty dollars worth of cat items, because part of my sister's resentment at me living here is that her cats' behavior problems got worse when I moved into the cat room.

Yes, the cats already had problems. However, after overhearing my sister earlier, I decided that I would resolve her cats' problems, in the hopes of ticking her off slightly less with my existence, and perhaps keeping her from being so desperate to get rid of these cats, which she's had for about 8 years now.

Fast-forward again to the checkout line. I used my card. Incorrect pin. Okay, maybe I made a mistake and used my pin from the wrong card. Incorrect pin. I dug out my list of pins, looked to be certain I had the right card to begin with, and made sure to find the correct pin. Because if you get it wrong three times, your card locks, and you're screwed.

Incorrect pin.

I don't know how I got it wrong three times. The cashier and the manager both looked horribly sorry for me, and did their best to offer other solutions. At this point, however, I just wanted to go home. I was, I will admit, near tears to begin with from my sister. I had then gone a little obsessive over choosing just the right everything so that I could solve a problem, feed my daughter, and have enough left over for gas to get me to the doctor on Thursday, and then I had to walk away from it.

I still have some Bisquick and a couple eggs left, so I can make pancakes for dinner tonight, but we won't be having milk with them. Yes, I intend to figure out what the problem with my card is as soon as possible, but I'm not going back to the store tonight.

So this one time, at the grocery store, I saw someone I worked with at the cheese factory, and she said Merry Christmas, because she recognizes me a decade later. That and my daughter's basket-hats have been the highlights of my day.

Diabetes and Bread

Do you ever consider eating something weird just because you're too lazy to prepare real food? No? Weirdo. ;) Kidding, I love you, you know that, right? Anyway, I was very lazy that day, and I had just read this awesome post. I had a moment's reflexive butter and honey sandwich? That's weird. before realizing that I like my bagels with butter and honey. In fact, I wanted a butter and honey bagel right now.

Unfortunately I was out of bagels, so I had to use regular bread. The thought of having buttered bread without it being toasted didn't appeal to me, and since half my stuff is in a storage unit, I don't have a toaster right now. I know I can put the bread in the oven to toast it, but that takes time and I was hungry. I didn't want to wait for toast. Plus, the idea of getting a butter knife, crossing the kitchen, opening the fridge, hunting down the butter, opening the container, then spreading on just the right amount before having to put everything away again just sounded like too much work.

Being a creative soul, when I opened the cupboard to get out the honey, the sight of the chocolate syrup sparked unnatural thoughts in my mind. What if, I asked myself, I put chocolate syrup on the bread with the honey?! The idea was both tantalizing and frightening. Who would do that to himself? Honey is awesome, chocolate syrup is awesome, but it doesn't go on bread! I didn't have anything else to put the chocolate on, so I figured I'd walk on the wild side and see what happened. If you never branch out you never truly live, right?

It was a party in my mouth. It was delicious, the zingy sweetness of the honey combining with the mellow flavor of the chocolate and sinking just so into the bread. It was victory, and it was happiness filtered into its purest form and transfigured into food.

It can't be good for me. It's got to be a one-way ticket to diabetes, and so I've only had a couple of these masterpieces since the first one. But it was soooo good, and I'd never have discovered it if I hadn't been lazy, hungry, and out of bagels.

My friends think it's weird, but these things get discovered somehow. The first time I dunked a fry in my vanilla shake was a series of events. The restaurant was out of chocolate shakes, my fries were too hot, and I was very, very hungry. I always eat the fries first because I'm not crazy about cold fries, but I can eat a cold hamburger and be okay. I suggested it to gross my sister out, and when she dared me to do it, I did. It was awesome.

Mock me if you must, as you eat your eggs with ketchup or your chili with beans. Weirdo.