I'm No Quitter

I did not quit taking my medicine. I do not enjoy crippling depression, despite how glamorous it might seem on the surface to be reduced to a pile of sobbing, third-day-shirt self-hatred for no apparent reason. Not that I don't have several damned good reasons to be depressed, like my car being out of service, being unemployed in a small town and required to search for a full-time job to get food stamps, etc.

So, funny story: My mail goes to my sister's house. She went on "vacation" and holed up in her home with her husband and their dogs, and temporarily cut off all communication with the outside world. Can't say I blame them. Unfortunately, during their solitary week, a letter came for me saying to reapply for my insurance and food stamps or they were cutting me off. I didn't get the letter, didn't respond by their date, and lost my medical insurance. Hahahaha, good one, right?

So I scraped up enough money for two of my three medications, but the third cost $99 before tax, so I didn't get that one. I did, however, get my ass in gear to get my insurance reinstated. What's really funny *chuckle* is that all this coincided with my prescriptions expiring *haha* and my doctor doesn't like to renew them without seeeing me *snicker* but I couldn't afford a doctor's appointment! Hahaha!

Well, my insurance is reinstated because my unholy terror of being left without my medications was highly motivating. Unfortunately, another of my medications expired, and though I  was finally able to get the $99 one (at the bargain price of a single dollar), I didn't take it for a few weeks, so it'll take time to build back up in my system. Because it would be too easy if they were instant-happy pills, which to my knowledge don't actually exist.

Remember I mentioned once losing my train of thought when stressed? I could reread what I've written, but I'm feeling pretty apathetic right now, which is a preferred state, so I'm not going to mess that up. The complete blanking of the mind is a relief.

So one time, at the Career Center, I applied to work at the cheese factory. Night shift. We'll see if they hire me, since I quit last time.

Rusty Joints and the Hoop Ride

Remember that awesome power-walk I took yesterday while writing a kick-ass blog post? Well, I am now paying for my exuberance. It feels like all the joints in my lower body have had knives stuck in them, but not regular knives, no. Rusty knives, which then put rust in between my joints, and rather than breaking my bones apart or tearing out the cartilage, only deposited so much rust that I can't move without maximum effort. But instead of just creaking and moving slowly, there's pain, because face it, our bodies are not meant to be full of rust.

I have things I'm supposed to be doing. The trash needs to go out, and the recycling too, but I live on the second floor, and that means stairs. It took me long enough to get from bed to my computer that I'm thinking maybe the trash can wait just one more day, despite what the empty cereal boxes on the counter are telling me.

I'm also supposed to drive someone somewhere in my ghetto-mobile, but that's not looking like a good idea. The sky is looming in its ominousness (and yes, that's totally a word, though I rather like ominosity, myself). Aside from questionable windshield wipers, my left headlight is a traffic violation waiting to happen. The shield "fell off" at some point between my car getting fixed and a cousin bringing it to me, and now the entire thing falls out at random and dangles from the then-empty hole like some monster's eyeball in a bad horror flick. I really don't want to drive it on the highway for two hours.

Yesterday I had no choice but to go out as the sun was setting, and there were cops everywhere. Public Safety drove through the parking lot as I was getting ready to drive off, and I sat in my car looking at the time and just waiting for him to leave and knowing I needed to leave, but unsure if he'd turn on his lights and stop me from doing so if I pulled up behind him, or maybe he was sitting at the driveway not turning because he was watching me.

Eventually he turned, so I left as well, and on the way home, during a ten-minute drive, I saw something near ten police cars. Maybe it was closer to five, but ten sounds better. I'd have been in trouble, but they were all already pulled over, police out and standing talking to people. One place had two or three police cars all at once, lights blaring. And yes, I know, blaring is sound and glaring is vision, but when you're as paranoid as I am, the lights are indeed blaring.

I like the police. I like that they keep us safe, and that they put our safety over their own sometimes. They rock. But I have eight dollars in the bank keeping my account open, and adding a ticket to the rest of my unpaid bills wouldn't help my sanity level. I am so stressed that arguments over nonsense get my heart skipping irregularly and little sparks in front of my eyes from dizziness.

I do not know who created this Stress Reduction Kit, but I love it. I recommend not using it while it's pulled up on your computer screen, as the screen may become damaged. Also, I take no responsibility for any damages to anyone or their property or brain cells for actually using it. If anyone knows who created this particular kit, please let me know so I can give proper credit.

So there may not be much of a moral to this post, aside from stress being unavoidable and somewhat funny to talk about later. I'm going to make a phone call to get out of that drive, though. I know, driving is easier than walking, but I doubt sitting in a car for two hours (minus a two-minute stop) will do anything for my rusty joints. Maybe I should see my doctor about a tetanus shot.