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Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Still Alive

I am still alive.

Since the last time I posted, a lot has changed. My father had several strokes over the course of a year and died in his fifties. I got full custody of my daughter and moved in with a friend on the west coast. I decided to wean myself off 2/3 of the antidepressants I was on.

Some things are about to change. My daughter is turning eighteen. She'll be a legal adult, and she can't remain here after high school. It's not what either of us wants, but this is not my house, I do not pay the bills, and I cannot afford to send her to college, I can't even pay my own student loans, so she's being sent to my mother.

Some things remain the same. I am unemployed. I am constantly fighting depression.

But I'm still alive.

Fighting depression and I'm still alive.
No one to talk to and I'm still alive.
Fearing the future and I'm still alive.
So sick with stress and yet I'm still alive.
Still alive.

Still alive.